Are you a friend who was involved in someone’s abortion?  Perhaps you were a confidante, and didn’t tell anyone, and now are stuck with the secret, and with a secret burden.  Perhaps you encouraged the abortion, thinking it would help, and then watched your friend change for the worse.  Perhaps you went with your friend, to stand by her, without approving, and yet you feel confused and burdened.  Or perhaps you fought against the abortion, and you feel helpless because you couldn’t stop it, or stop the harm it did to your friend. 

No matter how they are involved, friends suffer from abortion.  You may find yourself afterwards asking, “What happened?  What happened to the friendship we had?  Why won’t she talk about it with me?  Why do I feel so bad?”

Even friends who only find out about the abortion later are affected.  As Vicky Thorne says,

“Friends who know of the abortion sometimes struggle with what they subsequently observe in their friend. Sometimes the friend withdraws or engages in serious risk-taking behavior that is unlike previous activity.” 

They feel powerless to help.

And friends who don’t know of an abortion can become involved in the personal struggles of the post-abortive man or woman, without knowing why or how to help.

Worse, the friend who helped with the abortion may carry a burden of confusion or guilt afterward, both about the child who was destroyed, and about the life changes in the one who aborted.

Often people who have abortions encourage their friends to have them.  Later, the friend feels betrayed: “Why didn’t you tell me what it was like or how I would feel?”  The truth is, the post-abortive friend had suppressed his or her feelings, and getting someone else to abort can be one more way to maintain the denial and believe that “my abortion was okay.”

People who help others abort can look for redemptionn or healing in various ways.  They may be attracted to and marry post-abortive men or women, unconsciously looking for a way to repair.  They may become great advocates of abortion.  They may become very prolife, but displace their own guilt onto others in righteous anger about abortion.  They may realize their weakness and be compassionate helpers of people in need

The good news is that post-abortion healing helps everyone.  We are all post-abortive if you think about it, if you do the math.

Call Project Rachel for help at 1-800-651-HOPE.

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