Others


The effects ripple outward

FRIENDS

GRANDPARENTS

OTHER RELATIVES

.   .   . the effects of abortion ripple outward to others

FRIENDS….

Are you a friend who was involved in someone’s abortion?  Perhaps you were a confidante, and didn’t tell anyone, and now are stuck with the secret, and with a secret burden.  Perhaps you encouraged the abortion, thinking it would help, and then watched your friend change for the worse.  Perhaps you went with your friend, to stand by her, without approving, and yet you feel confused and burdened.  Or perhaps you fought against the abortion, and you feel helpless because you couldn’t stop it, or stop the harm it did to your friend.

No matter how they are involved, friends suffer from abortion.  You may find yourself afterwards asking, “What happened?  What happened to the friendship we had?  Why won’t she talk about it with me?  Why do I feel so bad?

Even friends who only find out about the abortion later are affected.  As Vicky Thorne says,

“Friends who know of the abortion sometimes struggle with what they subsequently observe in their friend. Sometimes the friend withdraws or engages in serious risk-taking behavior that is unlike previous activity.”

They feel powerless to help.

And friends who don’t know of an abortion can become involved in the personal struggles of the post-abortive man or woman, without knowing why or how to help.

Worse, the friend who helped with the abortion may carry a burden of confusion or guilt afterward, both about the child who was destroyed, and about the life changes in the one who aborted.

Often people who have abortions encourage their friends to have them.  Later, the friend feels betrayed: “Why didn’t you tell me what it was like or how I would feel?”  The truth is, the post-abortive friend had suppressed his or her feelings, and getting someone else to abort can be one more way to maintain the denial and believe that “my abortion was okay.”

People who help others abort can look for redemption or healing in various ways.  They may be attracted to and marry post-abortive men or women, unconsciously looking for a way to repair.  They may become great advocates of abortion.  They may become very prolife, but displace their own guilt onto others in righteous anger about abortion.  They may realize their weakness and be compassionate helpers of people in need

The good news is that post-abortion healing helps everyone.  We are all post-abortive if you think about it, if you do the math.

Call Project Rachel for help at 1-800-651-HOPE.

GRANDPARENTS

Are you the grandparent of an aborted grandchild?

Perhaps you never thought of it quite that way.  You may have thought of yourself first as the parent of a child who aborted.  As a parent, you may have insisted on abortion, been instrumental in some way, objected to the abortion, or you may have been completely unaware until later.  Still, you may blame yourself for the aftermath your child is suffering.

Parents who encourage abortion may be conflicted because they do not approve of abortion but they do want to protect their child from untimely parenthood.  You may have wanted to protect your child’s educational future, or her reputation, or his sports scholarship.  You wanted the problem to go away.  But it is your child who seems to have disappeared.  Something has changed.

Maybe you didn’t know at all.  Maybe you saw only that things went from bad to worse with your child.  School, moods, social life, health. . . many things can change after abortion.  You may have felt helpless and even guilty, asking, “What did we do wrong?”

Some parents realize after the fact that they were partly responsible, because of intemperate remarks they may have made:  “Don’t ever come home pregnant!” or  “If you ever get pregnant, it’s your problem.  We are not going to raise a baby.”

After the abortion, the parents of the aborting couple may watch them split up, suffer emotional turmoil, get angry, and refuse to talk about any of it.  They want to help but are kept at a distance, even if they helped with the abortion – especially if they helped.  They become the focus of much anger.

So the parents direct their efforts and their energy toward their post-abortive child.  Often there is so much turmoil in the child’s life that you, the parents, never have a chance to focus on your own losses.

You have lost the child you knew.
You have lost a relationship with your child.
You may have lost the peaceful relationship you had with your spouse.
You may have lost self-esteem or peace of conscience.
You may have lost a sense of belonging in their Church.
But there is one more thing you have lost.
Your have lost your own grandchild.  Perhaps your first grandchild.

Deep down, this loss calls to you.  There is an emptiness where there was going to be, was supposed to be, was indeed already . . . a child.  Your child’s child.  A child who bore your genes.  A child you will never see in this life.

But this child, though deceased, is truly your grandchild.
Your are a grandmother or grandfather.
Thank God for the child.
Accept the child that was once rejected.
Express your sorrow and regret to God and to the child.
Jesus says, “He who accepts a little child, accepts Me.”
The way to find acceptance from the Lord is to accept your grandchild, now living in the Lord.